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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27173080">Countdown From Ten</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/yukiawison/pseuds/yukiawison'>yukiawison</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Umbrella Academy (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Drug Abuse, F/F, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:48:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,343</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27173080</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/yukiawison/pseuds/yukiawison</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Klaus stretches through some emotional growing pains.</p><p>“I’d remember meeting you,” he said, looking Dave over. </p><p>Dave laughed. “Apparently not. You don’t look too good, sugar.” </p><p>That comment about made him swoon. It was just that this ghost sounded so sincere. </p><p>“What did I look like when we met?” He asked, suddenly dazed with affection. It was like the most pleasant kind of head rush. </p><p>Dave frowned. “You looked scared and lost. You were thinner.” </p><p>Klaus hugged his chest. “What else?”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ben Hargreeves &amp; Klaus Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves &amp; Klaus Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves &amp; Vanya Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves/David "Dave" Katz, Number Five | The Boy &amp; Klaus Hargreeves, Sissy Cooper/Vanya Hargreeves</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>215</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Countdown From Ten</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the beginning, Klaus had just closed his eyes and counted to ten. It didn’t always work. It usually didn’t, but sometimes it calmed him down to try. He’d sit very still and concentrate on his breathing and the ghosts would keep yelling, horrible things, gut twisting screams and confused pleas that made his heard pound out of his chest. </p><p></p><div>
  <p>“Please, Dad,” his throat was dry from screaming. It didn’t matter how long he yelled or cried or beat his fists on the walls. Klaus got used to being ignored. And so he hugged his knees, closed his eyes, and counted to ten. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>And when that didn’t work he got high. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“What do you think?” He was seventeen and tipsy, standing in front of his bedroom mirror in a new pair of leather pants and ripped t-shirt. Lately he’d been trying to dress cooler than he felt. “Needs accessories,” he said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“You’re gonna get caught,” Ben said, from his place on Klaus’s bed. All the booze in the world couldn’t get rid of his ghost brother, not that Klaus wanted to be rid of him. Most of the time Ben was fun to have around, Klaus only minded when Ben tried to talk him out of things or give him reasonable advice. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Relax, I’m sneaky. No one’s going to hear a thing,” he said. He did a little shimmy to punctuate his point. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“You’re loud when you’re drunk,” Ben countered. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I’m not drunk yet, I’m just getting there,” he said, pulling a flask out of his back pocket and taking a sip. It burned, but it worked. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Who is this guy, anyway?” </p>
</div><div>
  <p>His name was Liam and he sold drugs. He had the prettiest, warm, brown eyes and after they were done smoking together, Liam let Klaus kiss him until both their lips were swollen and his brain was doing somersaults. Klaus knew he wasn’t in love, but sometimes when Liam touched him the right way it felt close. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“He’s no one,” Klaus said instead, because it was easier. He gave himself a last look in the mirror. He’d added a couple of necklaces and a handful of rings. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Just...be careful,” Ben said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I’m always careful,” Klaus said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>They were sitting on a couch at a house party. Liam had made him a strong drink and now they were passing a bong around with his friends. Their legs were touching and Klaus felt a shiver run down his spine. The house was pulsing with energy and warmth and Klaus was doing his best to drink it all up before he had to go home. His brain was a few steps behind, blissfully slow in a way it never was. Usually there were too many things competing for his attention. Too many ghosts, too many reprimands from his father, too many protests from the others that he get his shit together and actually be useful on missions. Klaus was sick of it. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Liam asked if he wanted to go someplace private. When Klaus nodded, his head feeling heavier on his shoulders, Liam led him to a room in the basement and closed the door. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“This is nice,” Klaus said, grinning like an idiot. His face was hot. Klaus hadn’t been on many dates. He tried to pretend otherwise, but it wasn’t as if their father made time for them to have normal social lives. Everything about Liam was making him giddy. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Sure,” he said, leaning forward to brush the hair out of Klaus’s eyes. He kissed him, and Klaus moaned involuntarily. He kissed him back, hungrily, deeper than they had before. He could feel his heart hammering, his brain in another place. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Take off your pants,” Liam said, in between kisses, and Klaus froze. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I, uh...they’re pretty tight. I don’t know if I can uh...”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Liam rolled his eyes. “Come on, baby. You can do it.” His eyes looked so inviting.  He smelled like cigarettes and cinnamon. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“No, I uh,” Klaus faltered. His hands were starting to shake. He hadn’t planned on going this far tonight, not when his head was spinning the way it was.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“You don’t like me?” Liam said, he was moving closer, pushing Klaus back on the bed and straddling him. “I thought we were hitting it off.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“We are! I just...had a lot to drink and um...I’m tired I guess,” Klaus said. Liam didn’t make to move. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“You’re not tired baby. The good stuff’s just kicking in.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“The good stuff?” He could hear the blood rushing in his ears. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Liam kissed him again. “I just spiced up your drink,” he said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Now Klaus was panicking. The ceiling was starting to look murkier and he could hardly hear the party upstairs. Oh god, why hadn’t he listened to Ben? He promised himself he’d never ignore Ben again if he got out of this in one piece. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Get off me, Liam,” he said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Oh, so you’re in charge now Number 4? I thought you were the useless one?” </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Don’t call me that,” he said. Liam’s grip was tightening on his wrists. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“What do you mean? I bring you out. I get you drugs. I show you a good time. Isn’t it time you give me something I want? You know I can always let the tabloids know what Klaus Hargreeves likes to do in his spare time.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Fuck off,” Klaus said. And then Liam slapped him hard across the face. Tears pricked at his eyes. His whole head was spinning. Where was Ben when he needed him? Where was anyone? </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Take off your pants,” Liam repeated. And this time Klaus did as he was told. And then he closed his eyes and counted to ten. He did this again and again, until Liam was gone. Then he picked himself up, put on his clothes, and stumbled back home. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Jesus Christ,” Vanya said. She’d heard him sneaking in his window, dazedly, still drugged and sore, and had met him in his bedroom. “What happened to you?” </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Klaus curled up on the floor and let his body heave with all the sobs he’d saved up, because as much as he hated what had happened he didn’t want to cry. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Let me get you some water,” Vanya said, clearly flustered. “Klaus...Klaus try not to wake the others okay? I’ll be right back.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ben was there again, but he was somehow more formless, and not saying anything. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Just say I told you so,” Klaus choked. “Come on. You’ve earned it.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Stop,” Ben said. “You know I didn’t want something like this...God, what even happened, Klaus?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Nothing,” he said. He closed his eyes again. He felt a bruise forming on his cheekbone. Liam wasn’t gentle. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Here,” Vanya said. She was back, hovering beside him with a glass of water and an ice pack. “Are you okay?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Peachy,” he grumbled, accepting her offering. “Did I wake you?” </p>
</div><div>
  <p>She shook her head, and Klaus watched as she adjusted her bangs over her wide eyes. “I was up reading when I heard you come in. Do you want me to get Mom to take a look at you?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“No, God no.” He scrambled to get up. “Thanks Vanya, I’m okay now.” He wiped at his face with his shirt sleeve. He felt stupid in his handpicked outfit now, with eyeliner running down his face and insides squirming. It was stupid of him to trust Liam, stupid really to think anyone had good intentions when it came to him. They all wanted something, and if it wasn’t power or some connection to the dead then it was his body or the satisfaction of bruising that body, of putting his body in its place. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Okay,” Vanya said. He didn’t know why she was still there. Maybe Dad had put her up to it, or she just wanted to feel included. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>She stared at him for a long while and then hugged him. He flinched at the touch but let her hang on. And he cried, as quietly as he could as the drugs wore off and Vanya stroked his hair. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“It’s gonna be okay,” she said. It wasn’t, but it felt nice to hear. “Let’s go to bed,” she said. Vanya slept curled up next to him that night. He told her she didn’t have to but she insisted on the two of them squeezing in his twin bed. He clung to her, face still a mess of tears and makeup he’d been too upset to wash off, and listened to the steady beating of her heart until he could fall asleep. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“You’re a disappointment Number 4,” his father had said. Klaus couldn’t hide the bruises. Beside him at the table Allison’s hand found his. He’d had this talk with Dad before, if you could call his berating a discussion. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I know,” he muttered. He’d stopped arguing a long time ago. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“You’re wasting your potential, Number 4.” </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I know,” he repeated, and he closed his eyes again. “I know.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>***</p>
</div><div>
  <p>The club was getting loud again. Klaus was pressed up against a mass of other bodies, all sweaty and smelling intoxicatingly of tequila. He was coming down, which was a problem because he’d lost the woman he’d come here with. She was tall and blonde in a green sequined dress and magnificent faux fur coat. He’d wanted to raid her closet later but she’d slipped away from him almost immediately after she gave him some acid and a kiss that tasted like cherry candy. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He was out of cash and he didn’t know anyone here. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Let’s go outside,” Ben was saying, but Klaus waved him off and Ben disappeared with a huff. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Oh, c’mon! I didn’t mean to leave me, you big baby,” he said to no one. Ben was right, he needed some fresh air. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He’d forgotten that it was mid-December and he wasn’t dressed for snow. He was wearing a massive pastel purple sweater that swallowed up his thin frame. He had a thin denim jacket over it and a dark skirt that fell to his knees but had a slit up one side. The heeled boots weren’t helping his balance and none of the outfit was keeping him warm enough. The wind blew right through him anyway. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Klaus rubbed his hands together and watched his breath curl up in frosty puffs. Maybe he could find someone to bum a cigarette off of? It would be warm at least, if it couldn’t keep the ghosts at bay. He didn’t have money for a motel, and it was too cold to stay out on the street and try to make some. Everyone smart had planned ahead. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Dammit. He was shivering hard now. He could go back in the club, but it was closing time soon so he’d have to find a good hiding spot if he wanted to stay there. Klaus closed his eyes and counted.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Are you okay?” At first he thought Ben was back, but Ben never sounded as gentle as this voice did. Ben was always exasperated with him. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Klaus opened his eyes. His teeth were chattering. He could see the shadowy form of a mud covered and bloodstained man in a military uniform. He didn’t look angry, or sad even, just concerned. Klaus was still riding the tail end of his high, and he’d stolen someone’s rum and coke on his way out, so he thought he’d had a bit of time. It usually took awhile for the ghosts to find him. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Leave me alone. I can’t help you,” he said, hunching down and wrapping his arms around his knees. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Klaus?” </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“What?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Holy hell, you weren’t kidding,” the man said. He ran a mangled hand over his hair. He was kind of handsome, if you ignored the decay. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I’m kind of trying not to freeze to death, or let all your little friends find me, so could you move it along GI Joe?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“How old are you?” The man asked. He squatted so they were at the same level and Klaus couldn’t ignore the ghost man's piercing blue eyes. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I’m 21. What’s it to you?” Klaus said. His fingers were getting numb now. It wasn’t good to stay in one place like this. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I thought you looked young,” he said, and he looked at him almost fondly. Klaus felt nauseous. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Do you know me or something?” He said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Not really,” the man said. “I’m Dave.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Dave,” Klaus repeated. “How’d you kick the bucket then, Dave?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Vietnam,” he said. “Hey Klaus, do you still drown your tea in honey?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I don’t <em>drown </em>it, and besides honey’s good for your throat and I need my throat most of the time thank you very much. Jesus, how do you know me?” Klaus said. He tried to memorize this strange, gorgeous man. “I’d remember meeting you,” he said, looking Dave over. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Dave laughed. “Apparently not. You don’t look too good, sugar.” </p>
</div><div>
  <p>That comment about made him swoon. It was just that this ghost sounded so sincere. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“What did I look like when we met?” He asked, suddenly dazed with affection. It was like the most pleasant kind of head rush. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Dave frowned. “You looked scared and lost. You were thinner.” </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Klaus hugged his chest. “What else?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“You had more hair on your face,” Dave said, reaching out as if to touch Klaus’s face. He stopped before he got there. “You’re beautiful, Klaus. Then and now.” </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Klaus’s face felt hot. “I wish you were talking to me. I must just look like someone you knew.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Klaus—“</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“No, really. It’s fine. I’m going to freeze out here if I don’t move soon. Pleasure talking to you, Dave.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“It took me a long time to find you,” Dave said. His form was looking weaker now. “And I’m still early,” he said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I hope you find who you’re looking for,” Klaus said. He shook the stiffness out of his legs. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Don’t freeze to death, kiddo,” the ghost said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“That’s rich, coming from you,” Klaus said, and then Dave was gone, leaving him somehow much emptier. He scrounged around in his pockets for some change and walked down the block to a diner that was open this late. He found a booth and ordered a tea with lots of honey, enough to coat his whole throat and get rid of the bitterness that was spreading through every part of him. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Diego lives close,” Ben said. He had rematerialized in the seat across from him. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I know, I’m just preparing myself for the arduous journey to his door.” Klaus took another sip of the tea. It burned his tongue but he didn’t have the right mind to care. He was still thinking about how Dave had called him beautiful. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Well, hurry up. People are staring,” Ben said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>It wasn’t the first time Klaus had showed up unannounced at Diego’s door. Usually he was drunk or high, and sometimes it was even later than it was now. Diego usually let him in. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Christ, Klaus. It’s freezing,” Diego said. His eyes were clouded with sleep.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Hello, dear brother of mine,” Klaus said. “Can I crash here?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“You’re out in the morning,” Diego said. He opened the door wider and Klaus drank in the crescent of light that spilled onto the front steps. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Thank you,” he breathed. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Diego found him some spare pajamas and made up a bed on the couch. He piled it high with pillows and some quilts Klaus had never seen before. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Where’d you get these?” He was swimming in Diego’s sweatpants, but at least the shivering had stopped. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Garage sale,” he said. “If you didn’t know our family I could pretend they were heirlooms.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Mom could’ve made you one,” Klaus said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Mom’s busy enough,” Diego said. They weren’t close when they were little. Diego resented the fact that Klaus didn’t try on missions and Klaus was jealous that Diego had powers that made sense. Now, though, Klaus was just lucky that Diego was around to save his ass. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“There you go,” Diego said. “Don’t rush out of here in the morning either. I’ll feed you at least.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Fine, Dad,” Klaus said, with a playful eye roll that made Diego cringe. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Hey, uh...do you know anyone named Dave? Military maybe?” Klaus looked at the floor. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“No, why?” Diego said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“No reason.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Well,” Diego looked at the absolute nest of a bed he’d fashioned. “Don’t say I don’t do anything for you.” He went back to his room. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Klaus took several shots from Diego’s liquor cabinet and fell asleep bundled in quilts, sickly warmth flooding his head and trickling down to his toes. He always fell asleep like this, sick with something, tired or cold or hungry or numb. But tonight everything was worse. He thought of Dave’s ghostly hand reaching out. He wondered if that beautiful, gentle man had touched him. He wondered if they really did know each other in a different place. Stranger things had happened. But maybe not that strange, not for Klaus. He bit down hard on his lip to ground himself. He closed his eyes, and counted to ten. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Klaus woke up before Diego. He found ingredients for pancakes, a few cigarettes he’d hidden last time he was here, and orange juice he used as a mixer for Diego’s whiskey. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Christ Klaus, I said I’d do that,” Diego said. Klaus was flipping pancakes with relative ease and taking drags off the cigarette out of Diego’s kitchen window. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Close the window. It’s freezing. And stay out of my liquor cabinet,” he said.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Klaus slid two pancakes onto a plate in front of his brother and poured them both cups of coffee. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Do you think I could be a chef?” Klaus said. He doused his own plate in syrup and handed the bottle to Diego. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I don’t think they let you drink whiskey in the kitchen,” Diego said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“It’s my take on a mimosa. It’s brunch. Lay off me.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Diego sighed. He cut into his pancake and took a bite. “You know I’m worried about you,” Diego muttered. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Worried? I’m fine,” Klaus said. He stuffed his face to avoid talking. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“You don’t remember the last time I saw you? Klaus, Jesus, the last time I saw you you OD’d.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I know, I just...” Klaus couldn’t look at him. “I’m fine.” </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I just want you to keep being around Klaus, and sometimes I worry that you won’t be.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>The voice at the back of Klaus’s head told him that Diego’s worry was fake. It was all part of the old Umbrella Academy crap. The only reason his siblings would care about him  was to preserve the team. It was the way it had always been. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I’m fine,” Klaus said. “I’ll get out of your hair.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“That’s not what I—“</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Bye, Diego.” He was twitching for something stronger than whiskey anyway. He could meet up with a friend, make some money, and be back on top by nightfall. Screw Diego and his stupid concern. Screw Dave and his confusing sweetness. Screw everyone. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Hey Klaus?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“What?” Ben was back. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“You’re still wearing Diego’s sweatpants.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Dammit.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>***</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Time travel hurt. It hurt his joints. It felt like it cracked open his skull and squished up his heart. He landed with sparks, on his ass, in the middle of a war he knew absolutely nothing about. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“You just get in the country?” Klaus blinked. He’d been trying to lay low, really he was still in shock, but now this guy was in his space. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Um, yeah. I’m Klaus,” he said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Dave,” he said, offering his hand to shake. His hand was warm, which reminded him that his was cold. Time travel even fucked with temperature, apparently. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Nice to meet you, Klaus.” </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Klaus, to his credit, kept his mouth shut at first. He did what he was told. He woke up when he was supposed to wake up. He scrounged up only enough drugs to keep himself functional. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Hey Hargreeves, you ever talk?” Klaus was sitting on his bunk, sweating in the humidity and more tired than he’d ever been. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Maybe he’s one of them mutes?” Someone else said, and they all laughed. They let off steam by picking on him, Klaus didn’t have the energy to mind. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Leave him alone, Jonesy, maybe he’s just trying to figure out who’s worth talking to,” Dave said, and the whole room quieted. People listened to Dave. Klaus thought it was in the way he carried himself. There was a confidence about him that everyone else faked. Everything about Dave Katz was sincere. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Dave took a seat beside Klaus and leaned over to whisper something. His breath was warm and sweet on Klaus’s face. “You wanna go out for a smoke?” He asked. Klaus nodded, dumbly. He knew he’d have to be careful around Dave. He was the kind of guy Klaus was bound to catch unrequited feelings for, and Klaus had been there too many times. He’d been begging on doorsteps for second chances. He’d been downing drinks at astronomical speeds while guys like Dave flirted with people who were nothing like Klaus. He’d lost this game too many times, like a fool buying scratch off tickets with his last dollar. Klaus was always drawn to the sweet ones, but it was never in the cards for them to like him back. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The stars were out. That was one of the nice things about being out here. It wasn’t like the city with all its pollution and noise. Here, you could see all the stars, and the night was startlingly quiet. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Dave lit Klaus’s cigarette for him and Klaus watched the delicate way he balanced his own in his fingers, taking deep drags off it and glancing over at him like he was some oddity to be observed. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Not you too,” Klaus said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“What?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“You’re looking at me like you want me to say something,” Klaus said. He batted his eyes at him in spite of himself and the tops of Dave’s ears went red. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“No, no I don’t mean to, uh...hey, where are you from Hargreeves?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Call me Klaus,” Klaus said, so quiet it was almost a whisper. “Hargreeves is my no good father’s name.” </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Alright, Klaus,” Dave said. There was something familiar about hearing him say his name, with the cadence of a late night secret. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I’m from New York,” he said. <em>In 2019. </em></p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Oh, a city boy?” Dave said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Sure. What about you?” Klaus was eager to throw the conversation off of himself. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I grew up on a farm in Wisconsin,” Dave said.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Picture perfect happy family?” Klaus grinned. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“We’re close,” Dave said, taking another drag. “If that’s what you mean. Big family holidays all the traditional Jewish food you could eat.” </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Sounds nice,” Klaus said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Dave laughed. “I bet my Mama would want to feed you. She was always saying my friends were skin and bones but you really are.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Klaus put an arm protectively around his chest. “Fast metabolism,” he said. The truth was he was too nauseous to eat most of the time. He was scared and alone out here and the best option seemed to be to wait and see if Five would come and get him. He didn’t dare touch the briefcase again. He didn’t want to end up in the stone ages or worse. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I don’t really talk about home anymore. I don’t want to jinx it,” Dave said. Klaus looked over at him, the strong line of his jaw, the bags beneath his eyes, his chapped lips. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Thanks for the cigarette,” Klaus said. He put it out and made to go back inside but Dave grabbed his wrist. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Wait, I—“</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Klaus felt fear bubble up in his chest. Maybe he’d noticed him staring. Maybe he could see it before Klaus even opened his mouth, the shallow pit of his desire. Maybe he was going to threaten him. Maybe things were about to get even worse. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He let him go. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to...I just wanted to make sure you were okay, because it seems kind of like you’re not. I know I don’t know you but I want to.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“No you don’t,” Klaus said. “If you knew me you wouldn’t like me.” He wrung his hands. It was all spilling out. He couldn’t even look at him. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“So we can’t even be friends?” Dave said, unfazed. Klaus closed his eyes and started counting. “Klaus?” Dave said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Fine, fine okay. Let’s be friends. I’d like that. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.” </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He opened up more after that night. He told the other guys stories, showed them the tattoo on his arm and recounted missions. It was easy enough to pretend that The Umbrella Academy was some safe, escapist, fantasy he pulled out as a party trick. Dave always got a funny look on his face when he told those stories, but everyone else got a kick out of it. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>When they were on their own, though, Dave did most of the talking. Klaus asked him questions about what music he liked, the books he read, his friends from home. They complained about the military’s food and compared blisters and on one occasion Klaus stitched up a cut on his temple, his fingers trembling far too close to Dave’s face.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Klaus had nightmares. Dave would wake him up in the dark and steady him with a hand on each shoulder until his breathing got back to normal. They didn’t talk about that, but Klaus was grateful. Klaus tried not to talk about a lot of things, though they’d agreed to be friends. Some things just came out. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>They didn’t see much action, but the work was grueling, and when Klaus ran out of drugs the ghosts showed up in droves. He stole painkillers from the medical tent. He bought liquor from anyone who could spare it, and sometimes when days got bad he mixed a whole lot of the two. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Dave found him once, slumped behind a bush just outside of camp. His image tilted and swirled above Klaus. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Hey there, sugar,” Klaus slurred. Dave was bending down to meet him. “You found me.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Yeah, I found you,” Dave said, and Klaus frowned as Dave tried to help him up. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Why are you looking at me like that? I thought you knew I’d disappoint you,” Klaus said. A choked kind of laugh came out of his throat and he flushed red. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Quit saying shit like that,” Dave said. Klaus was too dizzy to get up so they sat side by side in the dirt. “You don’t even let me know you,” he muttered. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I tell you all sorts of stuff about my past,” Klaus said, coldly. “You just choose not to believe me.” </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Fine, fine, sue me. I find the superhero family from the future thing kind of hard to believe.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Yeah, you and me both,” Klaus said. He leaned his head on Dave’s shoulder. He felt Dave stiffen next to him. Maybe he was crossing a line. He was too drunk to care. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Tell me something real,” Dave said. Klaus blinked against the spots in his vision. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Okay,” he said. He burrowed his head into the crook of Dave’s neck. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Klaus—“</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I’m an addict,” he said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“You’re not an addict, you’re just having a bad night.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“No, before I even got here. I’ve been abusing drugs since I was a kid. I’ve gotten  clean a couple times since then, but it’s never been for long,” he sucked in a breath. “I kind of thought you’d hate me if you knew that. I’ve done a lot of bad things to stay high.” </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Oh,” Dave said. Klaus’s head was still on his shoulder. He felt Dave’s arms around his shoulders, felt him pulling them close together. “Thanks for telling me,” he said, and Klaus had trouble catching his breath. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“You know I don’t lie to you, right? Even if the things I say don’t sound like the truth?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I know,” Dave said. “Let’s get you back to camp.” He hoisted him up by his armpits and let him lean on him all the way back. Klaus felt warm everywhere they were touching. He knew that everything was going to hurt in the morning. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>It was too easy to fall in love with Dave Katz. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“You know in the future men marry other men and women marry other women,” he told him once. They were smoking under the stars again. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Do they now?” Dave said, raising an eyebrow. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Uh huh, granted people still get beat up over that kind of thing but not like it is here,” he said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Hmm,” Dave said. Klaus was watching his expression, looking for some sort of shift to give him an answer to the question he was too chicken shit to ask straight out. “So everyone just sleeps with everyone in the future?” Dave asked. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Oh no. I mean I do but I’m not really representative in that department,” Klaus said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Are you married in the future, Klaus?” Dave asked. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Klaus grinned. “Oh god, no. Have you seen me? No one’s even thinking about locking all this down,” he said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Then what exactly are you trying to say to me?” Dave asked, and Klaus looked over to see Dave’s ears burning again. He put out his cigarette with an irritated flick of his hand and Klaus felt guilty. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Nothing, Dave. I’m just running my mouth like always,” he said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Dave looked up at the sky, his neck arching, lovely and pale. “It kind of seemed like you were trying to push my buttons,” he said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I’m sorry,” Klaus said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Dave shrugged. “It’s fine. I’m going in anyway.” </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Klaus went out to a club the second he was on leave. He needed to move and to get drunk out of his mind. He needed to get Dave out of his head for one minute before everything came tumbling down and crushed him. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Ben said. Ben had been keeping his distance, partly because Klaus had asked him not to eavesdrop and partly because they were both scared of what would happen if the wrong person saw him talking to himself in the 60s. This didn’t keep him from showing up from time to time when Klaus was being an idiot. He’d bought some eyeliner at a drugstore and made himself up. He wanted to be stared at tonight, like the old days. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I’m full of bad ideas Ben,” he said. The room was dim and smoky and the music was electrifying, old songs he’d seen on his father’s records, many he’d never heard. He ordered a shot. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Klaus was surprised when Dave found him. He hadn’t told him were he was going, but there he was, on the dance floor as Klaus was finishing his fourth drink. They didn’t speak but Klaus could feel Dave looking at him. He could feel the particular magnetism that always drew him back to Dave. They were dancing with women and then they were dancing with each other, in proximity at least, inches from touching. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Then Dave was leading him to a quiet corner, behind a wall where no one could see. There were beads hanging from the ceiling and their shadows played over Dave’s face. He looked so damn good. They were laughing about something Klaus had already forgotten. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Klaus?” </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Yeah?” Dave was even closer now, so Klaus could see the way the light lingered in his eyelashes. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I think you’re beautiful. I’ve always thought you were.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Klaus closed his eyes and started to count. Dave was kissing him before he could even get to three. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The feeling didn’t seem like it belonged to him. It seemed entirely too serene to be standing here in Dave’s orbit, to be kissing him so gently and effortlessly. And then Dave deepened the kiss and Klaus really felt like he was somewhere else. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Are you okay?” Dave asked, after he pulled away. Klaus blinked. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Why wouldn’t I be?” He said, breathlessly. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“You just look...you look like that was a lot for you,” Dave said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I feel radiant,” Klaus said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Next time they got a motel room. Klaus was nervous. It was stupid to be, but he was. Dave had yet to go back on his assertion that he liked Klaus. That didn’t make it any less nerve wracking when Dave kissed him after he finished his nightly cigarette. It didn’t make it less terrifying every time they were out in the thick of it, bullets flying, knee deep in mud, that Klaus lost sight of him. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“What are you thinking?” Dave asked. Klaus was propped up on a couple of pillows beneath him. They’d just been kissing, feverishly a moment ago. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Nothing,” Klaus said. “I’m fine.” He’d felt himself getting distracted. Something was going to go wrong, it just had to. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Hey, you can talk to me,” Dave said, drawing back. He looked so pretty above him. Klaus was embarrassed. He was ruining this. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I’m fine,” he repeated, kissing him again. Dave’s hands were on his waist now. Klaus felt slippery and strange, like everywhere Dave touched him was on fire.  </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Klaus—“</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Kiss me again,” Klaus said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Dave said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“No, no I’ll be good I promise,” Klaus said. Some needy, pleading part of him was coming out. It was the same part of him that cried when Dad said he was a disappointment. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Klaus, you’re scaring me.” </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He couldn’t breathe. He closed his eyes and started counting. <em>You can’t do anything right, can you Number 4?</em></p>
</div><div>
  <p>Dave got off of him. “Breathe, Klaus. You’re okay.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“No I’m not. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Klaus stop apologizing. You didn’t do anything wrong.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Klaus put his face in his hands. “I can’t even sleep with you right.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“We can take things slow. I was just trying to check on you,” Dave said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“To check on me?” Klaus repeated. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Yes.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“People don’t really do that,” Klaus said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Oh Klaus.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Don’t look at me like that. I can see your pity,” he said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Just let me care about you for one minute,” Dave said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I don’t know how!” Klaus said. He could feel his eyes pricking with tears. “No one but you treats me right. No one gave a shit when I left. My family doesn’t see me as a person. No offense, Ben, and also get out of here Ben.” </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Okay,” Dave said gently. “Well can you let me treat you right for a little while longer. I’ll show you.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>He brushed the hair out of Klaus’s face and dried his eyes. He kissed his forehead and then his neck. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“You’re beautiful,” Dave said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I’m not,” Klaus said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Dave kissed him again. “You are.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Klaus raised his arms so Dave could slip off his shirt. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“This is nice,” Klaus said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Are you okay to keep going?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Klaus nodded, dreamily. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Can I take off your pants?” Dave asked. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Yes,” Klaus said. It was all getting to be a lot, but Dave was calming him down. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I love you, Klaus.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I find that hard to believe,” Klaus said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Well, I wouldn’t lie to you,” Dave said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I love you too, Dave.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>***</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Time travel hurt. It hurt seeing Dave laying there, bleeding. He didn’t even have the chance to say goodbye. He was just there one minute and lifeless the next. Klaus’s heart was crushed on impact. Dave’s blood was on Klaus’s hands when he got back. His skin felt raw and the tears wouldn’t stop coming. Because Klaus didn’t love easily and he’d gone ahead and fucked up again. He’d gone ahead and broke himself beyond repair. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>When he got back no one seemed to notice, or care. Granted there was an apocalypse to stop, which Klaus supposed would be a priority for most rational people. And clearly he wasn’t rational if he was choosing the end of the world as his time to get clean. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“When was the last time you were this sober?” Ben asked. Klaus was bent over the toilet, currently dry heaving what was left of his dignity and sweating like the Commission was after him again. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I don’t know, our 12th birthday?” For all the nausea and headaches and chills and general feeling that he was going to shrivel up and die before the ghosts even bothered  showing up, it was nice to have some mental clarity. It was nice not to trip over his own feet and to be able to recall what he had for breakfast (and to be up for breakfast at all.) He almost wished Dave had seen him like this, maybe not the vomit part, but the part where he could focus his powers enough for Ben to touch him. Maybe the part where he could pour himself a cup of coffee without spiking it with anything. He had the feeling Dave would’ve been proud of him, though if he thought about that for too long it got hard to fight the urge to raid Dad’s medicine cabinet. Still, he just closed his eyes and took it a second at a time. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“What’s with you?” Five asked him, as he poured him coffee that he took one sip of and pushed aside with a disgusted look. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Oh, haven’t you heard? I’m sober now.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Your streak of good decision making couldn’t have started with bringing me that briefcase?” Five said, reconsidering the coffee. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Nope,” Klaus said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>They were quiet for a minute, and Klaus thought Five was going to disappear again when he finished the rest of the coffee and asked what it was like. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“What was what like?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Vietnam, you numbskull, being stuck out there,” Five said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I had good company,” Klaus said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Good enough not to try to come home?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“He was my home,” Klaus said tightly. Part of him wished he knew a thing about Five, that they hadn’t been ripped from each other before they were fully formed people (not that they were even that now.) Maybe then Klaus would know what to say to his brother. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“You were in love?” Five said, and Klaus blinked at the way his voice has softened, almost imperceptibly. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I am in love,” Klaus said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“What happened?” </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“He died. I came back.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Five nodded. “I understand why you destroyed the briefcase.” He got up and straightened his tie. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Klaus felt like he was melting. “I didn’t know how to love before him. Or even be loved, I think.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Five’s expression clouded. Klaus thought back to when they were kids, all the competition, manipulation, and guilt. Even with all the dysfunctional shit, Five had risked everything to get back here and help his family. Klaus wasn’t sure he’d do the same. He had a whole lifetime of trust issues he hadn’t even begun to unpack, not to mention the persistent thought that no one in his family really loved him. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Maybe someday I’ll get around to learning that one,” Five said. “Keep your head up, Klaus.” </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“God, you really do sound like an old man.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Klaus was glad not to have landed in the middle of a war the next time he time traveled. Alone in an alley in Dallas in 1960 wasn’t ideal, and he’d skinned up his knees on impact, but it was better than dead. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Starting a cult had genuinely been an accident. He was hyped up on the whole peace and love thing and it wasn’t his fault that his sober brain was apparently an encyclopedia for inspirational pop lyrics. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I’m not even lying, really. I do have superpowers,” he told Ben, over a fruit and cheese spread some of his followers had brought him. He bit into an apple slice. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“But you’re not a prophet. You’re just a dumbass who knows too many Madonna lyrics and has no qualms about fucking up the time line,” Ben said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“What is a prophet but a person with the courage to speak truth to power?” Klaus said, through a mouthful of cheddar cheese. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“You’re a plagiarist with a praise kink,” Ben said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“That’s cold, even for you,” Klaus said. He lounged back on the velvet couch. He certainly hadn’t expected to amass such a large following so quickly, or to have a veritable mansion for his disciples to study his teachings. Klaus had been stumbling into things, as of late, and trying to resist the abundance of drugs that were practically thrown at him. “I’m stuck here. I can’t get a real job. And my whole family is probably dead, Ben. Not to mention Dave doesn’t even know who I am yet. I’m really hanging on by a thread. I hope you realize that.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ben rolled his eyes. “I’m sorry I’m trying to keep you from duping innocent people.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Apology accepted,” Klaus said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>When Klaus saw him, at first, he thought it would be enough to just be there in the same space again. He pulled his shirt sleeves down over his tattoos and tried to keep his voice even and detached. But then Dave looked at him with those eyes that always used to know the answers and Klaus just couldn’t let him die. Even when it meant getting punched. Even when it meant making a kid think he was going crazy. Even when it meant knowing he’d failed, irreparably, and watching Dave walk away angrier than before. He couldn’t help himself.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>***</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Klaus sat on the farmhouse steps and rubbed Dave’s dog tags. It was happening again. They’d go hurtling through space and time and it was going to hurt again. Dave would be dead again. He’d be alone. He didn’t even have Ben anymore. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Klaus?” Vanya stood timidly in the doorway, her face streaked with tears. “Can I sit with you?” </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Oh course.” He shifted so there was space for her and slung an arm over her shoulders. They sat in silence for awhile. Klaus watched the clouds roll over the sky. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Sissy won’t come with us,” Vanya said at last. “It’s too dangerous for her and Harlan. I’m too dangerous.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>He squeezed her shoulder. “I’m sorry. You’re not too dangerous for me.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>She laughed. “I guess that’s comforting even coming from my Ouija board brother.” </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“We’re in the same club then, Vanya. We’re both leaving the loves of our lives behind in the 60s.” </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Sometimes I wish we'd never met, then I wouldn't know what it was like to love like that."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"We all deserve to know what it's like to love like that," Klaus said.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“She deserves a better life than she’s getting here,” Vanya said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I know.” Klaus thought about the look on Dave’s face the last time the saw him, how hurt and confused he’d been. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Does it get any easier?” Vanya asked.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I’ll let you know when I find out. One day at a time, I guess. Sometimes one second at a time.” He hugged his knees. He hadn’t really anticipated making it this far, so what was one more day? Maybe he’d get sober again. Maybe he’d conjure Dave and apologize for not trying hard enough, for getting him killed anyway. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Vanya leaned her head on his shoulder. “You really think things are just going to go back to normal when we get back?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Define normal,” Klaus said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Fair enough,” Vanya said. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Klaus closed his eyes again. He thought about all the times they’d started over. He thought of all the people he’d disappointed and mistrusted and lied to. He wondered if he was any better off than he was before, or if he was just a new shade of selfish and lost. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>In the beginning, Klaus closed his eyes and counted to ten because the only person he had was himself and the stupid brain he couldn’t get under control. It was a reprieve, a moment of focus before he had to face what was always in front of him. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“One second at a time,” Vanya said. “I think I can do that.”</p>
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  <p>Klaus closed his eyes. “Yeah,” he said. “I think I can too.”</p>
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